Worst... Day.... of my life.......

My Facebook post from yesterday pretty much sums it up......

"Heaven has a new angel today, as my mom passed away early this morning. On June 4th she received news that the treatment wasn't working and was given 2-3 months left on earth. The 3 month mark was my due date. All she wanted was to live to see Adriana be born. Thankfully, she hung on long enough to hold her grand baby and spend a precious 6 weeks with her. Words cannot describe our sadness today. My mom will forever be missed. Love you mommy!!!

R.I.P. 9/10/1945 - 10/13/2013 — feeling devastated."



I honestly don't even know where to begin.. This is the day I've been dreading since June 4th... My heart hurts immensely. It was bad enough losing my dad 5 years ago, but losing my mom is just not something I was ready for. She still had so much life to live, and it's just done. Over. I'm never going to see her again. I just can't accept this, even though I know I have to... I miss her so much and I know I'm going to miss her forever.. I don't want to go on without her. Waking up every morning knowing I won't get to see my mom, talk to my mom, hug my mom.. ever?? I don't know how to handle this right now.. 

I hate that Adriana will never get to know her gramma. Adriana has no living grandparents or great grandparents whatsoever on my side of the family. This is just so devastating. Keirdan, Kiara, Hailey and Adriana don't have their grandmother, my sisters, brother and I don't have our mommy. We only have each other now... Don't get me wrong, I know we all have our aunts and uncles, friends, other relatives, in laws etc, it's just weird.. unsettling.. not having parents, or grandparents.. Not having our first go to for hugs, advice and just plainly, love. I will miss my mother dearly. I just don't know what else to say right now. Maybe I will be able to write more at another time, when I'm less shaken up and thinking more clearly.. We'll see.

MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!!!!!!!! :-(